Cool Granny and designer handbags

‘I’m going to test the music,’ I said to Macca, retrieving the USB stick from his funeral director’s folder, paperwork and pens spewing from its leather.

‘Good idea,’ he chuckled recalling the time we hadn’t done so and Busta Rhymes belted from the speakers instead of Elton John at the funeral service.

To avoid another embarrassing fail, I slipped into one of the hearses in our shiny fleet and plugged the USB into the slot on the sound system.

First track, check! Matched the paperwork.

Second track, success!

Third Track….

Macca!’ I squealed. ‘Come and check this out! Either it’s the wrong track or we have a super cool granny in that coffin!’

Macca waddled over and I turned up the volume, pop star Fergie echoing on the walls of the funeral home. A personal favourite track of my own, singing of luxury items and high heels, I hoped it was the right song…what a hoot!

‘Whaaat?’ Macca threw his head back laughing, his specs falling to the ground. ‘No, I think it’s wrong. Let me double check on the paperwork.’

While Macca returned to his folder, I went over to finalise the touches on Mrs. Davis. I snapped on the gloves and checked her make up was perfect, hair sitting right and no condensation on her cold face. A Gucci handbag clasped in her manicured hands and a bottle of Chanel no.5 was tucked by her side. Macca joined me and confirmed in fact, Mrs. Davis has personally requested the song Glamorous to be played at her farewell.

‘Well, it is fitting,’ I smiled, wondering what her voice may have sounded like. Grey hair set in full curls and her enhanced lips fire engine red; I pictured her in the chair at the skin clinic getting her lip injections and Botox. She looked terrific for a ninety five year old. Mrs. Davis was a Cool Granny.

I patted her thick hair and whispered, ‘You’re awesome.’

An hour and a half later, the curtains had closed on yet another life, but not a regular one. As Glamorous sang from the speakers and mourners left the chapel, slight smiles crept upon their grief stricken faces and I overheard one of the grandchildren chuckle, ‘Yep, That was grandma.’


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