Few know what I have emerged from.
Don’t worry, I’m not about to bleed it out here, either. This blog is the adventures of a funeral director, not the ‘Readings of a battered housewife.’
Let’s just say, this time last year I was in a very, very different place. As all of us were; every year we are twelve months deeper within our life journey!
This afternoon as I jogged along my sunset running track, it occurred to me just how far I really have come.
A storm had torn through minutes earlier, and once the thunder rumbles faded and pouring rain settled to a light shower, I hit the pavement. A little over twelve months later, not only am I free of both mental and physical abuse, I can chuckle at the cellulite pouncing from my thighs with each running step on the concrete. I gazed down at my legs: Yes they were a little thicker than usual, there are certainly more dimples than I would like and my tan not so dark, but I didn’t mind. It would only take a month of jogging, a spray tan and less Nutella jar marathons at night and I would be fine.
These thoughts alone were an achievement.
Rain drops patted a tune on the trees along the track as I ran a little faster along the lake.
A little over a year ago I lived in a grand two storey home complete with a sparkling swimming pool and gleaming, modern tiles in the kitchen.
Today I live in a tiny cottage with a small picket fence and ants that scurry along the window sill. And I don’t mind. I am so happy with my new, down sized life.
I am so grateful. To this day I don’t know how I’ve done it.
That rainy night I left with only my heels in a suitcase, my lap top and a pillow. Thanks to social media, I did not need to cart around all of my photo albums; many snapshots were saved on my social media accounts or my slim portable computer.
He could have it all. I chose happiness.
And here I am.
Jogging along my newfound running track along a lake hidden away behind trees I don’t know the name of. The Autumn air sent goosebumps over my skin and the brown leaves crunched underfoot.
I have my dream job, a comfy bed to fall asleep in, red wine and food in my pantry, a new, sleek computer to spend hours writing on and the ability to laugh at myself and best of all, love myself.
I do want to say something. I may not be qualified to give life advice but…
You can change your life!
Even if this idea seems impossible to you right now. I was there. I’ve felt it. I have sat in the dark on the side of the road in my beautiful Louboutins crying after my partner left me in the rain after a night at dinner. I must have said something he didn’t like, and in the gutter I was, carrying my heels so they would’t get covered in mud. As superficial as this sounds, it obviously goes much deeper than this. I’m trying to keep it as simple as possible for you.
You can do it. You can! And here’s another secret… LAW OF ATTRACTION IS TRUE!!!!
I recently took two weeks off work, due to the death of my Poppy. I took leave without pay. The whole time I was with my family, in the back of my mind the bills lying on my kitchen bench cursed at me, screaming: ‘What about Us??? We can’t pay ourselves!!!’
Weeks behind and aware of it, I managed to block the nagging thoughts from my mind and focused on holding my nan’s hand in her time of need and supporting my family. Everything at home could wait. The bills, the never-ending phone calls of companies demanding payments.
None of it mattered because deep down, I knew everything would be okay.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not exactly in financial trouble, but it certainly has taken a beating leaving my spouse with nothing on me, not even a wooden spoon and only one dollar to my name. I have spent the last twelve months finding a new home and catching up on bills and starting over. Two weeks without pay was not going to help the situation, but I really had no choice. When I returned home, I meditated every single night to fall asleep. And as I did, I visualised my bills being paid.
This morning as I stood in line waiting for my coffee, I randomly checked my bank balance on my phone. I had over a thousand extra dollars in my account. Confused, I received my latte and took a seat to investigate. I felt myself frowning through my make up as I scrolled through my bank statement online. Turns out, at my last workplace over a year and half ago, I had a week’s pay owing and they had deposited these funds into my account overnight. I had almost forgotten I had even worked at the cosmetic store let alone expected any money from them!
I had prayed, I visualised and within weeks, my bills were paid.
I know I sound like a New Age guru rattling on, and that’s okay if you think that. I have nothing to prove.
All I know, each and every day I am faced with death in my job. Life is too bloody short to sit around and be miserable. Your life could end next month. Next week. Tomorrow. Why not believe in what I’m saying…just incase?
You don’t want to die with your last thoughts being, ‘What If?’ do you?
Just try it.